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When Death Went To Bed With A Lady

by Joseph Porter

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1.
Send the hounds around the hills and make the people ring the bells Search the houses and the fields reward the person first prepared to tell the tale Where to seek and where to find the royal heir Where to seek and where to find the Prince of Wales Charles King of England ill fortune favoured thee Who wore the crown and bore the sceptre undeservedly Who left a son behind him who escaped across the sea To return and raise the Scots against the parliamentaries Lured south by guile and strategy with Worcester standing by Outmatched and outmanoeuvred the prince was forced to fly With many a mile to travel over many a mile to fly Through many a hostile dawn concealed from many a watchful eye With Matty Col and Tabitha I tracked the villain down That all in a hollow oak tree in a forest glade was found While his faithful old retainer stripped the branches all around And searched for grubs and beetles in the leaf mould on the ground I advanced into the clearing I addressed the royal tree I deplore the use of force I said to intemperate degrees But there's a cell in Worcester castle measures seven foot by three My orders are to place you there and throw away the key To Matty Col and Tabitha I said now we'll have some fun And we beat and bit and kicked him 'til his royal senses spun And his trousers stuffed with nettles 'til his royal jelly stung His face was caked and bleeding and his clothes in tatters hung As he wept and begged for mercy sore amazed was I to see The son of a king knelt grovelling before the likes of me He offered his servant's sexual favours money his ransom for to pay If we'd betray the axe of parliament and send him on his way
2.
Down on the street the trumpets blew As a thousand ragged standards flew But the drum beat's pattern never changed As a clamouring rose from the street outside The council fell to their knees and cried With the peasants we must treat without delay But there are rights of man and a rule of law One for the rich and one for the poor And one for a king that God anointed made In consequence negotiations I disdain Marie-Antoinette concurred If they have no bread the Queen observed And won't eat cake feed them hay But let them shout and let them starve While they cut the world in half To our chamber let us take ourselves away Then hand in hand to the brandy cask We matched each other glass for glass Kicked off our shoes composed ourselves to pray Then all night through and the livelong day Beneath royal courtly charms we lay And thanks for all our blessings gave While the people fought the people roared Shook their fists at the palace walls Broke the door and the bars gave way And they found us there in deepest dreams Conscience clear in sleep serene In the sunbeam's blessed rays Then a messenger came from the outer wall Pressed his face to the marble floor Excuse my intrusion majesties But your guards are fighting hand to hand In the western halls and the barbican I deem it meet and prudent now to leave But Marie-Ann the Queen and I Sent him back to the walls to die Took to our bed and dismissed the chambermaid
3.
How's the weather Jack? It's terribly cold The wind's up from Weston I'm whipped to the bone And there's frost on the hedges and ice upon the road The blacksmith's still ringing the morning's half gone My legs are too short my greatcoat's too long And my throat is as dry as the cider memories strong The blackthorn with ivy is tangled around Here on the hillside at the edge of the town Where old friends lie buried in the cemetery ground Amidst bottles and barrels and collapsible chairs We danced in the tent at the Caryland Fair Though I would never have asked were I sober So I'll thank you to answer me frankly I think I'm prepared I was a stoker called up to the sea Of thunder and battle I distantly dreamed While I stoked the furnaces and swore at the smoke and the steam Long nights at the drill hall with the local home guard Were battles with skittles Woodbines and darts Watched by pictures of film stars who smiled from cigarette cards On the Great Western Railway the company store Took air-raid precautions the fortunes of war Filled the streets with American soldiers Who were sport for my daughters the long and the short and the small Come foxhounds and hunters in topcoats and tails I'll follow on with my shovel and pail For there's nothing so fine for the roses And I grant you my garden grows nicely but Lord how it smells I'll find my way home in a moment or more To the black Suffolk-latch on the yellow street door Where my heart knows the way but my feet aren't always sure Now the cups in the cupboard mean nothing to me The matches the kettle the sugar and the tea Are all lost in the kitchen with the mice and the memories But if life is all stories in parallel lines That the present the past and the future define I promise before I'm much older That we'll meet again in the Cider Dreaming Time
4.
The city lay flattened and churned The heroes weary homeward turned Hunger sated victory earned Priam's palace sacked and burned That's where they washed the spears That's where they fought for ten long years But the cat has run away with the cream Left their king with a half spent queen So all is not as well as it seems As they act the great reunion scene But that's how it has to be That's what the men expect to see Not Helen stony-faced Forced to confront her dark disgrace Limp in her husband's bleak embrace She said revenge is sweet enjoy the taste If that's what you wantIs that why you came You made your bed now you'd better make it over again Said Menelaus adressing the sea Did all the cream of our mythology Cross the world to restore to me The biggest whore in the Pelopenese Is that why we lit the fuse Is that what we fought so hard to do I was visited she replied Stung by a devil that itched inside That split me open and forced me wide And he was far far richer than you Hung like a centaur handsome too And I'd never wanted anything more I never had it better than this before I never asked for war I really didn't think it would matter at all Because that's what people do And that's why I half assumed You'd do it to me so I might as well do it to you It's celebrated in popular verse How Helen went from bad to worse Actors soldiers and athlete's cursed The gorgon's head beneath her skirts But that's what people said It's got teeth and fangs and serpent's heads And classical history states That she lived on down from age to age Star of record screen and stage For the public's pleasure and the public's rage Because that's what people want That's what people need As only a fool would refuse to accept or believe Only a fool like me
5.
Death swept away by a lady In the course of his duties espied In robes richly dressed embarked upon his quest For glory as an angel disguised He let the groom take his horse to the stable By the butler was conducted to her side His heart he produced as he knelt and pressed his suit And engaged her affectionate eye Away then she led him to her chamber To listen while he told her of his plans And there without duress over menthol cigarettes She readily gave in to his demands Sir she said I'd never trust a stranger But since you are an angel I'll be damned He stripped and he peeled 'til his long bones revealed He said here I have damnation in my hand Then Death went to bed with the lady Coupling they cast their masks aside He rattled shook and roared while she beneath implored As he took her where no doves will ever fly Then sir she said you never were an angel When trembling they had quenched each other's fires He answered her no nor ever will be so And you never were an angel besides They fled and were wed fast together Each strives to keep the other satisfied But somewhere far away it's over darkness and the grave That death and his lady preside
6.
Are they blind these lords of Gaza in their strong towers Who declare Samson pillow smothered and stripped of his powers O stolid Philistines stare now in amaze At my foxes running in your cornfields with their tales ablaze At swung jawbone and bees swarming in the stark lion's hide At these the gates of well-walled Gaza a-clank to my stride Are we blind these days or am I blinder still That would bend their rule of iron to my weaker will Now fine flung phrases and stumbling disbelief At the jagged stone embrasures and the broken teeth Of fallen angels across the spiked cannon in the gun pits splayed Won't chase the eager ravens from the open grave Then the barracks rang with laughter I'm the fool Who sought to chase the lamprey from the lily pool Who went to tilt at windmills but only fire breathing dragons found That singed the laurel branches from the heroes brow Who from the saddle crashing through briar patches to the ground Cast aside my colours and made good my rout Now the giants armour flashing and the wild jackal's bark Make David cast his slingshot missiles wide of the mark Sportsmen wager as Daniel meets his end Forsaken by his maker in the lion's den And Christ our Saviour bloody in the tomb still lay When Mary knelt beside him on the third day Christ our Saviour bloody in the tomb was lain Nor rose He thereafter but died in vain
7.
Sister Helena has cast off her veil Hung up her habit abandoned her cell She's run away from the priory bells Her vows and virtues forsaking She's rented a house on the Yarlington Road There in the ever-green garden to grow Lichens and ivy and stools for the toads And mosses for poultices making Of Sister Helena the ladies believe That her left foot is cloven she walks in her sleep That naked by moonlight she dances with beasts But no one can claim to have seen her There's rumours there's hearsay and travellers tales That she's taken in tomcats and cowry shells For mustering magic and murmuring spells To answer the Devil's subpoena Behind Flemish lace curtains they're venting their spleen They'll be wagging their tongues as they're pouring the tea So it's best if you're not in her company seen It just breeds conjecture and scandal And you won't be forgiven you won't be excused For they haven't much patience they haven't much use For a bird in the bush as what's sauce for the goose Is a kick in the balls for the gander So don't tell me lies If your alibi isn't watertight Tell me where were you on Saturday night That's when I saw you under the yellow street light With the Devil and Sister Helena
8.
Man has raised the pyramids alone Has mountains through his efforts and endeavours overthrown With pain strength and discipline his deities outgrown And carved his initials on their stones Let the earth move the monuments and mounds Let acid rain eradicate and the rolling oceans pound What can never last forever let in time be broken down And let history cast the ruins underground Of the stone circles fallen and decayed Let quarrymen and masons come and take the bones away Ship them out from railheads a thousand tons a day And let no trace or memory remain To new skies the wire towers reach In factories in railway yards and iron foundries At Cambois power station lying smouldering by the sea And to new Gods let these cathedrals be And when the time capsule opens on our age Will a future generation stand bewildered and amazed Among the brick stacks cooling towers and masonry remains And ask to whose Gods were these cathedrals raised?
9.
To Wallis A Sonnet At night the unrepentant head Of Wallis shares the royal bed Where Wallis lays with royal Edward bare To share his sleep and share his dreams To dip his royal thighs between The duties of a royal queen to share There were strangers at the station Conversations strained Journalists debating at the bar An equerry was waiting To lead you to the train And there was Special Branch protection in the Pullman restaurant car Let the House of commons bicker Let the palace bolt its doors Don't let Alice through the looking glass today The transatlantic clipper Is ready now to board So what the Lord has given Let the lady take away And underneath the royal cot Scented with forget-me-nots In Royal Doulton chamber pots their confluence prepares To lay Edward bare Edward Lay Bare Empire O Empire what has begun Lust has betrayed your most royal of sons That King was anointed whose reign had begun Scandal betrayal and ruin overcome And squandered a birthright for a beggarly sum But such is his will and a King's will be done Captain my Captain make up your mind Pack up your troubles or leave them behind A horse for your kingdom but not for your wife Stand up and whisper or stand up and fight Stand up and be counted or lay down and die Most royal most regal most ridiculous knight It's all up with you Harry George the lion and the unicorn too Britannia won't waive the rules Clear out your desk and give us the keys to your room Hang up your crown on the hook in the hall Put on your outdoor shoes and pull the door to Edward O Edward eighth of that name Biting your tongue as you struggle and strain The taxis are waiting she's chartered a plane Van Dieman has asked you to dinner again And Chancellor Hitler is tugging your chain Get off the pot now and let them take you away It's all up with you Harrods Lourdes the wines and the Wimbledons too You're over and done with you're through Try to reflect with pride and dignity do Goodbye to Hello and Vanity Fair and the rest of the press reviews You're yesterday's news It's all up with you Bride on a broomstick glide down the underground gloom In Deathrace 2002 A nation of ignorance washing their hands in your wounds Thou saint and redeemer our saviour and queen Did you cry for the camera crew On the third day when they opened your tomb
10.
Father forgive me I'm going to sin I'm going to phone another sick day in Make sure the six o'clock alarm bell never rings It's still dark in the morning at five fifteen The hands of the clock glow luminous green They don't care that I've unfinished business in unfinished dreams Wake me up gently with kindness and tact My vision is dim and my jawline slack When my system has been disconnected my limbs won't react When God made man in his image in clay He made him to move in mysterious ways But God is in trouble if He can't do without me today Father forgive me don't answer the door Don't open the curtains and if the agency call Tell them I won't kiss the hem of their robe anymore You can say I'm in trouble tell them I'm ill Tell them my haemorrhoids are troubling me still If you'll make my excuses you can tell them whatever you will Wake me up gently but don't make me go I don't want to hear and I don't want to know That I'm not going to reap what I can't make the effort to sow Dawn breaking down the Valley of the Nile Get ready to work all day among the sandstone piles Here's the whip the bit the pick to split the clay And your muddy hands to clear the spoil away Congratulations the job's yours Here's your sweatsuit and your coveralls Here's the whip the bit the pick to split the clay And your muddy hands to clear the spoil away And here's the spit you've got to lick to strip your dignity away Father forgive me you always do You know I've come to depend on you I know that you don't understand you don't have to approve Discretely and silently steal from the room Leave me in tumbling down entombed Entrapped in my fragrant surroundings in slumber cocooned
11.
Rubenstein 03:27
Lady Barnard had been slaughtered her lover too was killed As a thousand farmer's daughters lie deflowered in the fields We can all join hands in a floral dance and rehearse our juggling skills Aaron Isaac Rubenstein his home was forced to flee Refuge took in Hamburg in 1943 And along the Baltic seabord with a false identity They came and took his family and great it gave him pain For they sent them off to Poland in cattle trucks entrained Left him nothing but his wedding ring and his father's watch and chain Now it's of four and twenty Nazis my story I will tell They came early in the morning and caught him unawares Took him by the left leg and flung him down the stairs First they robbed him of his watch and chain, they robbed him of his ring And with forty jolly jackboots they kicked him cheek and chin And when they broke his little fingers o for pity he did sing Said Amon Düul the commandant said Amon Düul said he You are a son of Abraham as we can plainly see So you must off to Buchenwald where hanged you will be Möller got his wedding ring the Devil took his fee The state had all his money and the world his legacy But Sturmbahnfuhrer Neumann gave the watch and chain to me Aaron's with his maker now and tonight will merry be And the lesson of this tragedy for a lesson there must be Is that rape abuse and murder are no cause for levity
12.
Wintersfiend 04:29
Spring rises green on the hillside Scarlet her mantle unfolds The hart and the hare for battle prepare As Winter relaxes her hold The bullocks aroused on the meadow By Chauntacleers rose before dawn While little boy blue wonders dazed and confused For whom should he blow on his horn She said come to my house and you won't want to leave in the morning She said if you once leave your boots at my door She has prepared with meticulous care Through the eyes of her spies and informants But if she fails then to soothe and protect her bruised self-respect She must endeavour to compromise yours Borne in on a riptide of brambles Her retinue spread like a tail Spangled and maned with the sun in her train Summer broke into the pale To camp on the roof of the forest Through the green fields they clattered and danced Until sated and spent they collapsed in their tents And extinguished the hurricane lamps Then she offered to light me a candle She promised to summon by bells The birds and the bees and down on her knees Offered weddings and beddings as well But your hope bites a bullet in anger Roses are red as your glare Lavender's blue but what can you do When Johnny won't come to the fair This summer has been too demanding I've never dug deeper before But it strikes me as hard that I've travelled so far And have nothing to show for it all So I'll be glad when the season is over And Winter along in a while With the wind and the rain to blight and blacken your name To hammer to crack and bespatter and slacken your smile She says pack up the sauce of your troubles and kick them behind you She says don't let them darken your door She writes with fire on ice to comfort protect and remind you That she'll be there sooner than you expect With deepest respect Fraternally and gratefully yours

about

Now this is a turn up for the books. Mr Porter, towards the end of 1998,had taken to strumming a guitar in folk clubs. It is a side of him that some deplore, but those who have actually bothered to follow his progress over the last couple of years are forced to admit that having now come to grips with the thing, he does it rather well. The point is it's a live show, and involves a lot of talking between songs. Not even his monstrous ego is under any illusions about the entertainment value of three chords stretched over two 45 minute sets. So why record them? The firm needed something to send out as a demo. Sadly - or fortunately - the live show has more than superseded the performances on this CD, and it is now somewhat dated. It was offered up for sale largely because when all is said and done it's a good recording of 12 songs which had never been recorded before, and with the band in the workshops undergoing a major refit, who was to know when they might see the light of day. Some of the songs had been sat on the shelf for nearly a decade. Basically, if you like these lyrics, you'll like this CD. Better still, go and see a live performance. Recorded in Leeds in 1998, this is basically Mr Joseph Porter and an acoustic guitar. No overdubs, and definitely no A-flats, as that chord is a tool of Satan.

credits

released October 1, 1998

Allsongs and arrangements by Joseph Porter

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Blyth Power UK

Since 1984 Blyth Power have been playing and recording original music, which although regarded by many as fitting into the folk rock catergory goes so much further. Based around the lyrics of songwriter Joseph Porter, the band's sound is unique, and there is an atmosphere to Blyth Power that adds a depth to the music, and makes them more than just another pop group. ... more

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